Graychalk.com | Misplaced Pieces
My Student Wants a Human Bank
Posted on Saturday, May 09, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Being that the majority of my students are around 4th to 7th graders, it’s inevitable that the topic of girlfriends and boyfriends would creep up (usually accompanied by giggles or sounds of retching, depending on who’s talking) and of course they’re always curious about my “boyfriend” status. I’ve had some hilarious conversations with my students in the past whenever they’ve discovered that I’m single. The one where Leo solemnly advised me to hurry up and find one before I’m too old still cracks me up. The latest one, however, takes the crown for the one that disturbed me most…
This time, it’s my 6th grade student, Shirley, who was curious about my relationship status. After I told her that I’m single, the conversation turned bizarre at best and went spiraling steadily downwards (in my mind at least). It kinda went like this:
Shirley: A boyfriend is gooood! I want a boyfriend.
Me: Oh really… is that so?
Shirley: Yes, I want a boyfriend because he can give me money and buy me everything I want!
Me: Um. What if he’s a horrible person or treats you really badly?
Shirley: It’s okay, I just want his money. I can always just find another boyfriend on the side to treat me better!
There’s more to that conversation of course, where I tried to make her see that money isn’t everything and can’t truly buy happiness, so on so forth. I failed miserably.
She quite cheerfully repeated in different ways that she wants a rich boyfriend and it doesn’t matter in the least if he has gazillions of outrageous flaws (I was getting desperate) or the worst personality in the world. I can’t decide if I’m more troubled by that or the fact that she has no qualms about finding an extra boyfriend on the side to fulfill any other extra needs the rich one can’t. And she’s in 6th grade no less.
Ugh. Shirley’s a sweet girl- she really is. I like her a lot… but goodness, what happened?
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As they’re still quite young, I wouldn’t worry too much about them. When I was that age I wanted a rich partner - when you grow up with fairytales where the princess gets rescued by the prince all the time, it’s natural that that’s what you end up expecting.
As she gets older, learns a bit more of life, and realises there are other options open to her, she’ll change her mind. Don’t start worrying until she hits 18 and still thinks the same way. :P
Its so strange to think that when I was in middle school, we made the middle-schoolers of today look like 1st graders!
I can’t completely agree with Amanda’s comment. I feel if we do not instill positive and correct information into the youth of today at a young age now, we’ve lost them in hopes of them ever learning to do the right thing.
What if her views on “boyfriend material” come from what she sees at home? How would you, as the teacher, know this? You can’t, so the only way to open her eyes would be to talk to her now. If not, then she would go on believing that to live happily with a man is if he’s rich and can provide for her hand & foot! Of course, if that wasn’t the case, I think the issue still stands either way.
Like I said, I’m just so surprised how much has changed in the way that youth today think. Then again, I grew up in a place where growing up too fast was normal…
Amanda: I get what you’re saying, but at the same time, I don’t think it was a case of a young girl dreaming about their prince charming and living in a castle or a mansion. The way she went about it all wasn’t a search for her prince. Rather, it was a search for a sugar daddy who was only good for giving her spending money and buying anything she wanted. Her only prerequisite in a man was that he had to be mad rich. When viewed that way, I see it the other way around from you- it’s the fact that she has this mentality as a 6th grader that bothered me. Kids that age, I would’ve expected them to be more into crushes, puppy loves, cute guys, etc. :p
Roxanne: Yeah, I’m also constantly surprised by how much has changed in the way kids think these days. I teach part-time so I see this first hand all the time… and it really worries me. Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder if this is just the natural way things happen as in it’s never-ending cycle of the older generation being in shock with the way the younger generation acts, etc. It’s like how our parents saw us, I bet.
Handling all this as a teacher is sometimes really tricky, because there’s always that invisible line between what kind of discipline belongs at home and what belongs in the school. You’d be surprised at how often parents get offended when teachers start educating matters related to behavior, beliefs, etc. I try to get the students to question things themselves, but there’s only so much I can do… which is in itself a frustrating thing.